Praise for a raise

Many kids like me are brought up in a fairly humble or religious background, where certain basic values have to be instilled in you. One of those is humility, a tough on to deal with. For me, this meant that I put people before me when necessary, am considerate, and mostly not boastful about my good side as such. In other words, paying myself compliments was near impossibility. I hated to look vain. Recently though, my thoughts have been straying from the norm, compelled by recent happenings common at this stage of my life. I am increasingly faced with the struggle of where to draw a line between the norm and necessity. Recently, I lost a job and I will say it is partly credited to this fact. i got in a misunderstanding which led my managers to take the rash decision. Feeling confident and innocent, I appealed to higher forces for a review. When called upon, I was asked the question that I believe led to the final negative decision; "why do u think we should give you another chance?" my words were little. Thinking back at that incident again while I was listening to a seminar reiterating the essence of the personal statement of a med-school application, I realize that I was so uncomfortable in judging myself or ever commenting myself in public even when I had the absolute right to. I think about standing in front of authority and saying "I am the best, I am diligent,..." etc and the very thought that comes to my mind is doubt. How can I say that? How can I be sure there is no one else? What if the other person is better and i end up not being on point? There is so much responsibility that comes with self acclamation and I may be scared of that.

I want to go to medical school so bad. I want to be involved in research so bad. I want to succeed and I want to be given the opportunity. Nobody knows this as well as I do, no one knows my true strenghts and weaknesses but me, especially before any encounter. It is therefore left for me to trust in my judgement, trust in my qualities and abilities, thus in my guts and yearning and be responsible. Because really, in the world, hardly no one will give you a chance till u tell them. If you wait for someone else to recognize your abilities and call you out, you may be long behind. YOU WANT TO SHOW THE WORLD YOUR SKILLS AND THAT YOU ARE CAPABLE, BUT NO ONE WILL GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TILL YOU STAND TO THEIR FACE AND TELL THEM YOU CAN DO IT AND YOU ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. All modesty left aside.

Gemma Fom
21-Jan-08